


Nominal

by neonsign



Series: Protagshipping Week [3]
Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 21:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6345238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonsign/pseuds/neonsign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their hands touched when he complied and Souji was surprised by the little leap his heart made, like being shocked. Blame Izanagi, he figured, wondering if the same should apply to Orpheus and how warm Minato’s skin was. Souji wiped off his sweaty palm on his hip while Minato examined the katana’s hilt, running his thumb over the wrapping.</p><p>“What’re you doing?”</p><p>The way Minato turned the blade, light flashed over his face. “Stalling.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nominal

**Author's Note:**

> **Day 4:**  
>  **Scintilla** _(noun)_ – a spark or very small thing; a minute thing

While everyone else rested Souji found Minato sitting alone in one of the empty classrooms, swinging his legs back and forth over the side of a desk. A faint beat could be heard from his headphones but he lowered them as soon as he noticed he wasn’t alone anymore.

Minato pointed to the katana in Souji’s hand. “We heading back in?”

“As soon as you’re ready, Vice Leader.”

Minato tried to smile but the effect was ruined by tired eyes. “I thought you were here to yell at me for earlier.”

“Earlier?”

“What, you forgot already? Fighting carelessly, endangering myself and therefore the rest of the team. All that fun stuff.”

Souji blinked. “Oh yeah.”

Minato looked at him as if expecting him to start again, but Souji didn’t have any intention of doing so. Everything he needed to say he’d already said, so he shrugged. Minato scoffed.

“At least you were there to protect me, right? Just like you promised on our wedding day,” Minato said, his tone dripping with derision. He held his hand out, eyes on Souji’s sword. “Let me see that.”

Their hands touched when he complied and Souji was surprised by the little leap his heart made, like being shocked. Blame Izanagi, he figured, wondering if the same should apply to Orpheus and how warm Minato’s skin was. Souji wiped off his sweaty palm on his hip while Minato examined the katana’s hilt, running his thumb over the wrapping.

“What’re you doing?”

The way Minato turned the blade, light flashed over his face. “Stalling.”

Souji took a seat on the next desk over, crossing his legs and gripping the edge. “Do you not like the labyrinth?”

“About as much as I like Tartarus,” Minato said unemotionally. “Do you like the TV world?”

Souji watched Minato’s hands as he thought about how to word it. It wasn’t about liking it. Like didn’t even enter into it; it was something he had to do. Focusing on how physically and mentally exhausting it was, how the fog had a thick smell like chalk on wet concrete that made his head ache no matter how well his glasses worked, how terrifying it was when his friends’ minds were altered and they bore down on him with the intent to kill – well, focusing on that didn’t do anyone any good.

“I don’t hate it,” was what Souji settled on and Minato caught his eye with a knowing smirk. “You break it down into numbers and it’s not so bad. Floors, dungeons – numbers are easy.”

“Mm. You said each victim has their own dungeon, yeah? How many so far?”

Souji lifted a hand to count on his fingers and wiggled all five. “Roughly ten floors each.”

“Fifty floors. I’ve already got you beat more than four times over and we’re not even at the top yet.”

“I didn’t realize it was a competition.”

Minato slid off the desk and raised Souji’s katana, pointing it at nothing in particular. It was meant for two hands but he held it up with one, like his short sword. Even though there were tendons popping in his wrist with the strain, his arm didn’t shake.

“Or maybe you’re the one that’s winning,” he continued as if Souji hadn’t said anything. He gave the blade a half-hearted twirl, getting a feel for the weight of it. “Less work.”

Underneath the amity Souji had come to feel for Minato, there was a flare of annoyance. Earlier he’d told Yosuke that each team’s burdens were different but hearing Minato talking like what Souji’s team did was easy, it was condescending and it pissed him off.

“No matter what, you spend less than an hour in Tartarus every time you go,” Souji said. Instead of letting the slight roll off his shoulders like he normally might, he was playing right into it like some child trying to prove himself. He knew that, but it was irritating being spoken down to while Minato wore an expression like he couldn’t give less of a shit. “There have been times were we spent hours in the TV world, trying to breathe through fog that makes you sick and fatigued.”

Minato lowered the sword and rubbed his wrist. There was no doubt he had noticed the defensive tone in Souji’s voice. Anyone would’ve; it wasn’t exactly subtle. Souji waited for the sarcastic retort, that cynical smirk, for Minato to tell him that the shorter time frame just meant SEES had to cover more floors in less time with more return visits.

Minato shook his head and sighed.

“You’re right. Here.” He handed Souji his sword and their fingers touched again, still with that little jolt in his chest despite everything else. There was a pause before Minato added a quiet, “Sorry.”

“Me too.” Souji put the tip of the sword on the floor and crossed his hands over the hilt. “It’s not really something that can be quantified, I think.”

“I guess not.” Minato toyed with his headphone cord, drawing Souji’s attention to his hands. Long fingers with knobby knuckles. They looked like they would be cold but Souji knew from earlier that they were warm. That went for a lot about Minato, he was starting to realize. “You sounded proud.”

“What?”

Minato smiled slightly. “You’re proud of your team.”

“Of course I am,” Souji frowned. “Aren’t you?”

“I guess,” Minato shrugged, picking at his nails. “Whatever. Let’s go kill some Shadows. You like doing that, right?”

Neither of them moved toward the door. The two boys stared at one another.

At that point the closed-off act seemed pointless, especially around each other. Not to say anything poor about their friends, but another Wild Card could understand them in ways the others never would. As Souji waited for him to realize this, he started wondering which Arcana Minato might’ve fallen under had they met under normal circumstances. Or he for Minato. It was an odd way to categorize friends. Certainly not what ordinary people did.

Minato sighed and, instead of going back to his own desk, sat behind Souji on his. It was small enough that his shoulder pressed against Souji’s back. There was something nice about how solid he felt and not for the first time since they met, Souji felt thankful Minato wasn’t big on looking at the person he was talking to. Chances were he wouldn’t be able to keep his voice from shaking while getting teased about how much he was blushing.

“My team’s not like yours,” Minato said quietly. “You guys are friends, you can tell. We’re just teammates. There’s just some kind of barrier I can’t get around. Maybe if I was good with people like you are, then I could –”

Souji snorted before he could stop himself.

Minato knocked his shoulder into his back. “Hey, don’t laugh at me.”

But Souji could hear the smile in his voice and he smiled too, pushing back, leaning so far into him that Minato laughed and had to slam a hand against the surface of the desk to hold himself up.

“I’m not laughing at you,” Souji said once he relented his attack and they were back to normal. “It’s funny you think I’m good with people.”

“Aren’t you? Everyone likes you. You even had Mitsuru blushing.”

Souji hummed and rubbed his jaw, trying to think how to word it all. “Everything I know about people I know from watching them from a distance,” he admitted. “I like people but I never went out of my way to make friends, so now I’m just overly conscious of them, you know? It’s different than actually interacting with them.”

“Yeah, but you still do interact with them and you’re good at it.”

Souji snorted. “You’ve heard some of the shit I’ve said. There are rules on what’s socially acceptable and what’s not and I can’t get the hang of it. And my jokes never get across – or people think I’m joking when I’m not. Luckily I found people who are just as strange as I am and it took them a while, but they understand me. Everyone’s weirder than they pretend to be and everyone’s scared of everyone. People aren’t that hard.”

Minato didn’t say anything and Souji got the feeling he wasn’t convinced. He leaned back in what he hoped was a bit of a reassuring gesture. It must’ve worked because Minato returned it until they were supporting each other’s weight entirely. Minato tilted his head sideways to rest against the back of Souji’s and a strand of his long bangs tickled his neck. As if that little shock Minato’s hands gave him earlier still coursed through his body, Souji’s heart wouldn’t stop fluttering. His hands curled around his sword’s hilt until they were white-knuckled.

“I, uh… I know leading isn’t easy,” he said. By some miracle, his voice still wasn’t shaking. “There’s a divide between you and the rest of your team no matter what. I feel it too, it’s not just you. Trust me, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re all still alive, right? No serious injuries?”

Minato nodded – begrudgingly – and his shoulders expanded with another deep sigh. He placed his hand on the desk, fingers curling around the edge, and Souji thought about how easy it would be to place his over it and that led to thoughts of entwined fingers and kisses and boy, all that Destined Partner stuff sure was getting to him.

“I think part of it is that I don’t understand them,” Minato said softly. “Even if you aren’t going through the same thing, you understand where your team is coming from, right?”

Souji nodded. At one point or another, he’d felt Yukiko’s frustration with having choices made for him and responsibility thrown on him, and therefore Yosuke’s resentment and boredom; Rise’s and Teddie’s loss of identity and true self, and therefore Kanji’s need to be understood and accepted. He never had his own Shadow, but he saw himself in every one of theirs and that was enough. Even what he couldn’t relate to, Souji had always been empathetic, so he could at least try.

“That’s the thing,” Minato said. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Minato exhaled and – he could’ve just been fidgeting, but it felt like he was nestling his head against Souji’s. Much more of this and Souji wasn’t going to be able to handle it.

“They’re all so driven and I don’t get why,” Minato said quietly. “Akihiko’s always talking about getting stronger and Yukari’s got some… thing going on with her parents. Junpei actually wants a purpose, and… I don’t care. I don’t get why they do.”

“Then why are you fighting?”

“Because I have to. It’s just a chore. I mean, they show me Shadows and then ask if I’ll help fight. Like I can say no to that. It may as well have not been a choice at all.”

Souji’s mouth curled into a smirk. This was the same conversation he’d had with himself countless times over, though spoken with far less guilt and much more anger. “You could’ve said no. A worse person would have.”

“Yeah and then every night I would’ve been awake during the Dark Hour with my thumb up my ass, knowing exactly what’s going on. You can’t just go back to normal once you know the truth. Like, morally I know what’s right so I’m acting on that. But do I give a shit? No.”

Minato fell silent for a moment.

“I’m happy, though.” His voice was so soft it was like an afterthought. “Sort of. I hate being leader but I like being with them. Even if I don’t understand them.”

“Maybe that’s enough.”

“Yeah.”

“But it sounds to me like they’re your reason.”

Minato laughed a little sadly. “Don’t get fooled into thinking I’m that good of a person. That’s the kind of shit Akihiko comes up with. He’s always talking about protecting people and it’s like… who? Everyone I give a shit about is there with me, perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.”

“They still need protecting. That’s what a team does, they lean on each other. Not to mention, there are people on a bigger scale. All those people who don’t know anything about Personas or Shadows, they need protecting most of all.”

“See, that’s too big. I can’t relate to that. What the hell do I care about people I’ve never met?”

“Surely you have friends outside of SEES.”

“Yeah, but it’s like they’re from another world. The two don’t mix and it’s –” Minato’s voice faltered in frustration and he gestured with his hands like what he was trying to say was beyond words. Souji could feel the movements against his back. “I can’t – I can’t connect the two and God, I don’t _get_ it. Am I stupid or just a bad person?”

“You’re neither,” Souji said automatically, sincerely, but it came out too quick to be believable and Minato scoffed.

“Whatever, I don’t wanna think about it. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing. Empathy sounds like a pain in the ass.” After a long silence, he turned his head and Souji’s heart skipped another beat. His chin was practically resting on his shoulder. When he spoke, Souji swore he could feel breath on his neck. “Do you like leading? It suits you. More than it does me.”

Souji’s whole body tensed. His hands shook and his fingers ached from squeezing his sword’s hilt for so long. Minato never seemed like one for physical contact yet there he was, all but curling himself around Souji like a cat.

“Maybe.” Souji’s gaze roamed over everything he could see without moving his head as if he worried the smallest movement would disturb Minato and he’d sit up. When he spoke again, it was slow and uncertain. He’d never given voice to what he was about to say. “Don’t tell them, but I, uh… didn’t want to lead at first. I was pissed when Yosuke handed over the position but I just accepted it because… I don’t know, that’s just what I do,” he laughed half-heartedly. “I’m only in Inaba for a year. Getting involved in a murder case isn’t helping me stay unattached like I’d planned, but I can’t ignore it.”

“You got trapped by your morals too, huh?”

“Yep.” Souji scratched absentmindedly at his cheek. “It’s hard, but I think I like it. Knowing I’m needed and having a place to be, a role to play. Doing what I can to ensure they’re all safe. I just wish I wasn’t moving in the spring.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you’re dying; you can still visit and talk to them. It’s not over ‘til it’s over. What matters is how you spend the time you do have together, right? At least that’s what I’m learning. I don’t know if I believe it yet, but… y’know.”

Souji smiled. “Yeah. Uh, hey…”

He turned his head a little. Still not enough to look at Minato, but enough that he was a vague shadow in his peripheral vision.

“About what you were saying… Our burdens really are different. I met one of the first victims. She meant a lot to my best friend. Another was my homeroom teacher and all the rest are now my friends. The town I’ve come to call home is at risk. I’ve got family there. My uncle is working the investigations.

“When things get too big, like the fate of humanity, people can’t really comprehend that. I think a little disconnect is a good thing. In a way, it means you understand what a huge deal what you’re doing is. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a good person doing what’s right regardless of your stake in it all. And pray to the gods in your head that it stays that way,” Souji said, looking down at the sword in his hands and thinking of a crying boy on the riverbank. “Do what you can to make sure it doesn’t get too personal. I know I worry about that all the time.”

Minato didn’t say anything. Just as Souji started wondering if he had said something wrong, overstepped some line, if the ominous note his little speech ended on seemed overly dramatic and stupid – Minato started laughing. A quiet thing that built up until Souji could feel his shoulder shaking against his back.

“You’re really something, you know that?”

“You think?”

“Yeah. Where does all that positivity come from?”

Souji smiled turned his head to say something, what he didn’t know, but something that was pushed out of his mind the moment he realized how close it brought his face to Minato’s. He froze, the smile sliding off his face as they stared at each other.

Feeling like he watching from outside himself, Souji placed his hand over Minato’s. Before he had the chance to do anything more, Minato was the one to close what small distance there was between them. He kissed gently, more cautious than Souji would’ve expected from the boy that kept throwing himself into danger. There was barely time to think about it before Minato was pulling away, colour in his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. Pulling his hand out from under Souji’s, he got to his feet and hesitated, apparently not clear on exactly where it was he was going. “Uh… we should…”

Souji let his sword clatter loudly to the floor. Someone might’ve heard that but it didn’t matter right then, not while he was reaching for Minato’s hand, pulling him closer, reassuring him “it’s okay.” The words were barely out of his mouth before Minato was kissing him again. Standing between Souji’s knees and leaning so far forward he had to hold himself up with a hand on the desk. It skidded with his weight, grinding against the floor, and someone was definitely going to hear them.

“We probably shouldn’t be doing this,” Minato whispered between kisses. Even as he said it, there was a smile on his face.

“It’s okay,” Souji said, hooking a finger in his beltloop, “I’m your husband.”

“Almost,” Minato smiled. He kissed down to Souji’s jaw, curled an arm around his shoulders, while Souji slipped a hand under his jacket and rubbed the small of his back. Even through the material of his shirt, he was so warm.

“You know what this means, don’t you?”

Minato straightened up a little, letting his fingers toy with the hair at the nape of Souji’s neck. “What?”

“You’re gonna have to start being more careful when you fight,” Souji said. “When we get out of here, I won’t be around to protect you next time you decide to fight like an idiot.”

“Hmph. I’m not a leader for nothing, you know. I can handle myself.”

In his own roundabout way he was telling Souji not to worry and it was sweet, but worrying was what Souji did. As a leader, he should’ve known that. If he had a teammate that fought without regard for his own personal wellbeing, he would be just as concerned.

“I know, but… you’ve gotta stay safe until we can meet again.”

Minato’s face softened and became so full of affection he almost didn’t look like the same boy. To better see it, every inch of it, Souji brushed the bangs out of his face and cupped his cheeks. Steadily, they grew warmer and pinker but Minato didn’t pull away or tell him to let go.

“I’ll be careful,” he nearly whispered. He put his hands over Souji’s and closed his eyes. Just briefly, the tiniest frown crossed his face, disappearing when he again looked down at Souji. “And… as soon as I’m done saving the world, I’ll come find you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m your husband after all.”

Souji laughed and Minato kissed him again, affectionate and warm, and he took comfort in the hope that one day, every day could be just like this and they wouldn’t have to think about fighting anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> my dumb ass missed day 3 because i was working on the trainwreck that is day one but i'll probably write something for it months later because it's going to bug me until the end of forever
> 
> this was just a whole lotta talking but it'll be continued tomorrow... with... more talking...


End file.
